Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire

Two weeks ago John and I were in a department store, where we heard the first Christmas music of the season.  We looked at each other and cringed, silently agreeing that this was just wayyy too early to be piping Bing Crosby throughout the store.

There's a radio station here in Phoenix that prides itself on playing nothing but Christmas music ALL DAY! EVERY DAY! between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  The station is classified as "adult contemporary," otherwise known as Sterilized-Inoffensive-Politically-Correct-Office-Friendly music.  In other words, terribly boring but better than silence -- most of the time. Too many doses of the Celine Dion/Kenny G/Faith Hill blend make me long for crickets and my whirring brain.  Somehow, my own personal montage of music,  with its references to bootys and drunken cavorting, wouldn't have others in the office feeling very productive. So yesterday, I decided to play nice like I always do and flipped on the warm-fuzzy station.

To my surprise, instead of yet another rockin' three minutes and thirty-one seconds of "Kokomo," I was greeted by John Lennon's "Happy Christmas."  What?  But it's not even Thanksgiving yet!  I was delighted, even with Yoko Ono's tone deaf contribution.   

True, in another two weeks I will have definitely had my fill of holiday music.  And I'll be the first to admit that Tom Jones belting Christmas carols is a bit much.  Not to mention all the talk of "Jack Frost nipping at your nose," meanwhile it's 82 degrees outside and I'm pondering yet another purchase of flip-flops.  And the "people passing dressed in holiday style?" I haven't seen them yet in downtown Phoenix.  Although, I could have missed them amongst the scantily-clad meth-heads and drunks hanging out at the park.  You never know.

For now, I'll enjoy the heavy doses of virgin-pure Christmas music and long for the days when the Donny & Marie dolls in purple satin get-ups topped my Christmas list.  The days when I thought that Santa really was watching, and I'd better not swipe any more candy or my Weeble Fun House would go to that snotty-nosed kid next door.

The bastard.

Comments

[Two Sirius]

I HAD those dolls! With the shredded purple outfits, right?

Starting Friday, it's all-Christmas-music-all-the-time for me, baby! Of course, my playlist isn't all Bing Crosby and Tony Bennett - The Waitresses are high on my list, too.

And not ONE song by The Carpenters. Not now, not ever! Feh.