Thursday Thirteen
Thirteen places and/or gatherings I will never go to, unless I am gagged and bound, or really just in the mood to torture myself and/or kick some ass:
- Nordstrom. They've been on one of my lists before.
- A sushi bar. "Fish" and "raw" do not belong in the same sentence.
- A nursing home. If I get to the point where I have to live in a nursing home, please promptly spike my Ensure with a deadly poison of your choice.
- A concert headlined by anyone with the last name Simpson.
- A bible study. For me, this would be akin to studying Kathie Lee Gifford's memoir.
- A Republican Party rally/convention/ass-waxing/what-have-you. "W" is my least favorite letter.
- A showing of a Tom Cruise movie. Dude has issues. Star power? Gone with the wind, baby.
- A country club. Silicone + Designer Activewear + Men Wearing Loafers with No Socks = MUST HAVE XANAX. NOW.
- A "salon" for dogs. Because: Come ON. Don't get me wrong, I adore pooches and all, but I'm not paying for a polish change for anyone with more legs than me.
- A WWF wrestling match. Admittedly, I wouldn't be doing any ass-kicking here. This would fit nicely under the bound and gagged category.
- A golf course. Especially in Arizona. I saw Alice Cooper ordering fish tacos at Rubio's after he had finished a round or two. He was wearing a golf shirt and white pants. It wasn't pretty.
- A Hummer dealership. Hummers? Me no likey.
- A body-piercing establishment. Lesson learned.
